RIP: Chris Henry -- Gone and Dead To Us All

The eternal rookie has left us all for a better place to meet the eternal father.

Christopher Adolphus Fishnet Liknut Henry, 25, former Autism advocate and later sell-out, passed away into death last week following a courageous battle with rugby-related ineptitude.

He was born Sept. 1 1984 in 'Taintesville, S.C. to a hot Mom and transient Guatemalan laborer known only as "Guava."
He attended A.C. Flora High School in Columbia where he flourished in his studies, but was socially "retarded," according to friends, witnesses and experts.
After 6 1/2 years he graduated without honors and moved on to The University of South Carolina. Chris studied History, or some other crap, and graduated in 2008 with a GPA of 2.00000013.

In 2007, Cunt-Ris began working as a software developer for company to help kids with Ass-Burger Disease and The Autism.
As soon as a reasonable offer came from a non-good cause, Chr-unt abandoned these 'tards, sold-out and went for the money like the whore he has always been. He moved from Columbia S.C. into death.

Better known to his friends as "Limp-Fin Soup", The Ladies found Chris a polite and mannerly lover, despite a general lack of enthusiasm for the erotic arts. Amongst his many conquests, Chriz-unt listed movie stars, First Ladies, Golden Girls and members of Norwegian Parliament. In actuality, the poor, lonely, sad computer-geek has only ever penetrated three individuals, if you include his mom at birth -- which he does.

In 2007, Chris found a new love, that of playing rugby -- or at least practicing and watching it from the sidelines. Many have spoken of how terrible he really was on the pitch, but the statistic speak where facts cannot.
Chris' only club, The Columbia Olde Grey, never lost a competitive match in which he played 65 minutes or more. The Olde Grey won a national championship every year in which he featured in each game.

Utterly lacking in athletic ability did not stop Chris competing in top level online auctions for rugby apparel and DVDs. Nor did it impede him traveling long distances to sit on the sideline of games.

No funeral services have been planned for Limp-Fin. In lieu of flowers, donations are being accepted for the newly created ChrisHenry Rugby'tard Institute.

Chris is gone and will not be remembered.