IRB strikes while the Olympic iron is still hot

Letters, letters, letters.. or at least letters, letters.

So I think I have arrived in the world of blogging.

Not only have I had correspondence from a body I have written about, USA Rugby, but now I am getting hate mail!
Yesterday my mailbox was swamped by a pair of letters upset at my "awful use on language" and "outrageous, bigoted and hateful attacks on someone purely because of their religious beliefs!!!"
These poor unknowing, hebe-loving, clam-lapping whores who need to go shtup themselves were actually standing up for poor, defenseless Fitness Coach/ Vice Fuhrer Captain Kvetch Silverstein -- better known to most as our little bubbee Philly!
(No offense meant to the general muff-diving population)

I kid you not, I received two emails, one from Joanne in Michigan and another from Rachel in Buffalo (they shared a last name) accusing me of being an anti-Semite because I made religiously based comic gestures towards our favorite future Maccabi Games participant.

Apparently my claims that he (by association) killed Jesus and read left to right and right to left was a slight on Jewish people.

That post nor this are by no means an attack on any Jew -- except Philly!

And, my attack on Philly has nothing to do with his faith and everything to do with the Chinese/Mongolian desert in his Va-Jay-Jay. (sorry Philly, I'm just making a point, not having a go at you!)

In conclusion, ladies, I disagree with your point, but your opinion is valued by everyone here at RuckingRugby.Blogspot.Com. Thank you for reading, keep writing, a sheynem dank,

Mike

p.s. Sorry if my Yiddish is not what it once was!
p.p.s. I promise to get back to rugby tomorrow!

Getting to know The Olde Grey

So today starts a feature I have been planning for this site. "Getting to know The Olde Grey" will periodically feature different members of the team and present a succinct, well-researched profile of them.
For the first, we present your new Vice-President Thomas Bristol. Thom was selected because not many guys seem to know much about him, who he is ... or for that matter care.

Full Name: Thomas "Thom" Mike Hunt Gobblescock Bristol III or "Trey"
Age: 31
Born: StoatShuck, ND
Occupation: Vaginacological Engineer (Fuck and Off Engineering (FANDO))

Thom is a family man who has a wife, Bertha, 72, and a baby girl, Steve, 2. His family have lived in Columbia since the great StoatShuck pickle explosion of 2003. It was a resulting fire (and smell of exploded pickle) in he and Bertha's bedroom that forced them to get a hotel.
Bertha recalls the night, and the romance, with her husband screaming at her, "I paid for this fucking room, now we gotta use it! Now get over here and take off my girdle!"
9 months and a shotgun wedding later, Steve was born.

Ever since Thom was a child he wanted to be an engineer, but it was not until he graduated from Southeastern West North Dakota Technical Academy with his associates in quilting that he learned what that meant. Previously Tom believe "engineers" were confined to ridding on the back of Thomas and Friends" and filling them with coal.

Thom now drives Percy.

Unusual Facts

- Thom is one of only two men to take his wife's name through marriage. Surprisingly being christened Thomas Mike Hunt Gobblescock led to a great deal of teasing at school.
-Thom was meant to compete in the Beijing Olympics as a skier, however his inability to ski hindered preparations.
-Steve was widely-reported to be the biggest baby to be born in 2004, weighing in at a hefty 199 Kg. However, this was simply a mix up converting the 19 lbs 12 oz child's weight to metric. Thom delivered the healthy girl via Penis-section.
-Thom guest starred on Bonanza as an arm chair in one episode and as Chief Leeka Nutwice in another. He was scalped and murdered in both.
-Thom co-wrote Jurasic Park with Michael Creighton.

Rugby Development in Columbia

From USA Rugby:

BOULDER, Colo. – USA Rugby officially released its Coach Development Workshop schedule for the upcoming season. These workshops will enable coaches to gain their USA Rugby certification in many locations around the country/

Developing Rugby Skills: The emphasis of this workshop is on practice planning, game sense, and skill development. This workshop is designed for coaches focused on working with experienced players that aspire to compete at a higher level. The course work is ideal for head coaches and those that are involved in club, Super League and all-star play.

Nov 22-23, 2008 Columbia, SC Developing Rugby Skills

It's going to be held at the Essie May Washington-Williams Strom Thurmond Health and Fitness Center and will run all day Saturday and Sunday.

ELV - A Story of Things I Thought I Would Hate... but don't

The Experimental Law Variations came into effect August 1, so a mere 4 weeks later, I figured I should have a look at them.
I' m not going to go through each one and spell out what they are. I will outline and give my thoughts. If you need to know more look here.

Before I start, I have to say that I am a fat bastard of a forward and these rules are not designed for me or internationals like Italy's Pavarotti or Uganda's Kamala. They are laws for the fairies; rules to make the game more open, faster and have more fluid movement.
Like any movie on Lifetime where Tori Spelling or Kelly from Saved by The Bell gets raped or knocked up these "variations" are made for TV. This is strange because I believe World Cup 2007 killed on TV worldwide! Anyway...

Assistant Referee
Any additional refereeing on the field is good, unless you are Camo or CJ van der Linde.
Especially when our local guy is the ever-inept John Myers.
I will add that anyone who wonders if this post will upset/piss off Myers needs to understand that he is legally blind and so cannot see this page. (I do not allow for it be translated into braille, either). Also, he is legally retarded and cannot read!

Mauls
So we can now take down a maul, but only through hold your opponent between the shoulders and hips.
Does it seem to anyone else there is going to be a great increase in the number of people being suplexed off of the maul.
One thing that this is certainly going to do is halt a lot of slow, grinding plays (and break a lot of legs) and force teams (I hope Olde Grey) to use dynamic, rolling forms.
This will make the maul more useful as it is not just a fat guy pushing his team down the field (see Charlotte B in Columbia slop) and will be used to change directions and sides of the field of play.

Scrum
With five meters space, the scrum could really turn into a place where No. 10 can shine, even if they were home schooled.
The biggest difference with the extra space is going to be those just off the pack getting their chance to run and create from an almost set play. Of coarse, this means there is extra pressure to win good ball.
It must be noted that because of the added offensive value this is going to give to scrums all people who knock the ball on will be dealt with in the same way certain middle eastern countries deal with thieves.
Anyway, this extra space is also going to be a grubber's dream. Near the oppositions 22, a quick diagonal kick past a charging line could be great to watch.

Behind the 22
No longer can you just hoof it out from your behind your own 22 and gain some ground. Kick it to wherever you like, it's coming back unless it hits the ground first!
Love This
No more tennis matches between fullbacks.
If one rule will force more quality, watchable rugby it is this. No more relying on an average boot you have to now defend and build a real counter-attack.

Lineouts
Again, no more long kicks into touch -- from anywhere. If you do a good fullback will simply gather the ball and spin it out to his supporting backs long before the line is set.
I have always hated matching up the numbers on lineouts, we forwards are not in there for our ability to count, read or drink without spilling. We are there to fight for the ball. I just like being given options. If you want to concede the ball and play defense you should be able. If you really want to attack the throw with numbers -- you can.
The most sensible of these laws is to put on the books that grabbing shorts, legs, balls or Prince Albert's before the ball comes in is legal. This has been done for years and is just a part of the game.

Not my post for the day, but worth reading!

JOHANNESBURG (AFP) - South Africa tighthead prop CJ van der Linde has been handed a four-week ban stemming from last Saturday's Tri-Nations Test between the world champions and Australia in Durban.

Van der Linde and the Bok management team received the news on Tuesday following a hearing in Durban on Monday.

The World Cup winning prop was found guilty of dangerous play at a ruck after striking Australia scrumhalf Sam Cordingley with his head during Saturday's match. He has been suspended from all rugby until September 22.

Australia won the match 27-15, their first victory in South Africa since 2000.

They face the Springboks again in Johannesburg this weekend, before returning home to complete their Tri-Nations schedule against New Zealand in Brisbane on September 13.

You know God hates you when...

So this is one of those posts where I don't really talk about rugby at all, but rather use this space just to bitch about the fact the the world is filled with god-damned, donkey-fucking whores.
I know I should probably make fun of the annual meeting that we Olde Grey had last night. But like making fun of folk singers or quadriplegic midgets -- it's just too easy!

Anyway, so as many know I have been looking for a good job since November of last year.
I have applied to work for several State agencies and most of the applications have gone the same way.
Step 1. Online application
Step 2. Wait for the next ice age
Step 3. get a call for an interview
Step 4. Interview goes very well
Step 5. Invited back for a second interview
Step 6. Interview goes very well
Step 7. "Thanks for coming in, we will get the HR stuff sorted then we will give you a call. We will let you know either way!"
Step 8. Silence.

So for several months I was thinking how can I get to so many second interviews, and seem to fit the position so well, but then when the background check etc. was done I was dismissed.
Now I know it is an easy thing to say "We'll let you know either way," to a person you will never see again, but it just seemed to happen to people I had a real relationship with!
(I must introduce here that I understand there are many relationships in which a bond is formed and then you never call the bitch again, but this is business not skank banging!)

I would understand that after first seeing my large exterior, green skin and foul breath many may chase me away back to my swamp. But as many a skank has found out, if you get passed that, I can be a nice guy (That evening.)

So anyway, this lack of call backs was bugging me and I have the worst luck in the world (look what I have to stick my head between on Saturdays if you don't believe me!)! So, I decided to make sure nothing I didn't know about was fucking me... I even went as far as to question if I still had a degree (I do, I checked!)
Nothing seemed wrong, so I just assumed I am a huge fuck-up..................

Then, my very average job tells me I need to provide a driving record. I call up, get the record, hand it over to my boss and think nothing of it.
The next morning (about a week ago as I write this) I get a dozen crazy calls from my boss, his boss and associated HR bitches.
"You have to come in, you can't drive for the company until we figure this out."
So it turns out something may have been wrong. Something like two felony "Failure to Appear" warrants from Georgia and a driving license that was suspended --- a FUCKING YEAR AGO!!!
I felt like a Bortins in a public school -- I just couldn't imagine what horrible things had happened to get me here!

So a big, pissed off, possibly criminal Gellatly got on the phone to Floyd County, Ga and the DM-fuckin'-V!

Guess what, it was total bullshit.

Around a year ago I got in a wreck.
As innocent as a lamb, I was driving courteously down a road in Rome only pausing to allow the elderly to cross the road and picking wild flowers to give to disabled orphans. Then, out of nowhere a calous brute of a Neon came hurtling thorough an intersection and killed me and my family.
The police, however, viewed it as me running a stop sign and that my family are fine.

This set the following chain reaction of Gellatly ass-rape into motion!

I got a ticket for the wreck- then - I paid the ticket- then- City hall did not tell the court I had paid my ticket - then- I get a failure to appear warrant - then - I never receive a summons because the warrant was never valid - so - I fail to appear and they both become felony warrants - so my license is suspended, I am a fugitive. Let joy be unconfined!!!

I am not in HR but i have been told this sort of thing doesn't look good when it comes up on a background check!
I hate Georgia more than Philly hates a herring, milk and bacon smoothies and Coleman hates State-funded schools!

So in the end, all is well. Except I write this at the desk of my not-so-great job where I earn half that of the cunts who got the positions I wanted!
Sorry this post has been a mess, not very funny and a waste of productive work time. But oh well, at least you didn't get your right nut caught in the leaf of a dinning table Saturday. Oh, wait that was me! (I am not kidding, I have a sack-tear!)

Captain Candidates Catagorized

So this Sunday is the Olde Grey's Anal meeting and pool party at our coach's house.
... and who knows how to throw a pool party like the English! When you think sassanac you think Sun and fun!
But ahead of this momentous event, RuckingRugby takes a look at the candidates that seem to be in place (or are rumored to be in place) to be the next on-filed general.

The Scots and the English, at a national and club level, place too much emphasis on team captains, but it can be an important part of a rugby team. I do not mean to disrespect anyone who is not listed, I just don't have knowledge of everyone who wants to be Cap.

Anyway....

1. Kremlick - Often mistaken for a junky -- due to needle supply -- Jeff was very effective as a pack leader at times this year.
Pros- Solid, experienced player with a voice on field; hot wife; hard worker
Cons- Hands of stone and gravel; insulin production; ridiculous hair and dog

2. Gooldy - A selfless player who offers more than just on the field play. An "experienced" player
Pros- Unselfish rugger who is all over the field rucking and running; Free Chiro; RV
Cons- About as lucky catching a pass as he is banging 18-year-olds at socials; very old

3. John Hinks - The best second row in the region.
Pros - A drive to win; pent up sexual energy can be transfered to pitch; Lake house
Cons - Face like a punched baby

4. Philly - This will be Philly's last season at the top level -- I think -- and so he will be more driven than usual.
Pros - Experienced scrummy; world-class body hair; game general; can read L-R and R-L
Cons- Gobi desert in his vagina; temper; killed Jesus (by association)

5. Clemson Rob - Good, young player who can improve his line as he does.
Pros - Good voice on the field; drive to improve backs; wants to lead
Cons - Home-schooled

6. Young - The best defensive player we have and no regard for his personal safety.
Pros - Made the salary database; fearless defender; team leader
Cons - Poor choice of automobiles

A Great Man Once Said...

A great man-- well, one great enough to remember the sound his balls made slapping against a pre-knocked up Angelina Jolie's ass -- once said "Marketing is the devil!"
Well I think Bill Bob was right, and it is sticking its pitchfork up the rump of USA Rugby.

I meant to write this earlier, but it about USA Rugby's reaction to the Eagles game in Charleston and their game coming up this weekend where they once again will be playing Angelina to Munster's Bill Bob balls-slapping.
Go to USA Rugby and read the press about the ASM game and the upcoming game, it's a joke and a disservice to rugby fans, those who did not attend and -- to be frank -- my profession.

"After dominating early possession," is the first offending phrase in the ASM piece, and it goes on and gets worse. The whole piece talks about how close the game was, how ASM couldn't contain the young Eagles side etc, etc.
I appreciate that the piece was written for USA Rugby and is basically a PR release, but at what point is it good for the development of rugby to bullshit the public about how poor the Beagles were compared to those Auverene Surrender Monkeys.
I know the girl who wrote his piece, I watched her write it in the press box that night. And in her defense she is hot, works in rugby and had a wicked ACL surgery scar.
But to look at that game and claim the Eagles were anything other than second-rate is wrong.

Soccer makes this mistake constantly, hyping up how great they are rather than admitting they are mostly shit.
USA Rugby needs to embrace the doo-doo as Billy Bob did Angelinass.
I know I defended the Beagles, and this game was a great step but I hate hyping up of facts especially when the outcome was not the story of this game.
Look at the score and know that 13 on 15 the Eagles still couldn't break down this side.
Anyway, you get my point.

Oh and while I'm on USA Rugby....

...they has started abbreviating the female Eagles team as the WNTs.
Women's National Team, WTF?
Can we find no better, no more attractive name/euphemism for these beefy bitches.
Now, I know the placement of "women's rugby" and "attractive" in the same sentence is somewhat unusual. But, like a beer-goggled social attendee you have to make some effort to find something worth using.
I also hate Women's Eagles. Do we have to be that PC!?
What is wrong with the "Eagle Chicks?"

Fat bastard XVs

I can't believe it, we fell for the oldest trick in the book.
"Coach wants to start 15's practice on Tuesday. Get your boots and get ready," President Foxworth exclaimed.
We were all excited. Enough of this silly 7s shit, it's not even rugby (unless the IOC is listening, then we all love it!)
Enough of the prima donna bitches who have played about 12 minutes of rugby in their lives telling us how important it is for everyone to go to a tourney in Orangeburg.
No, this post said it was time for real rugby.
El Presidente might as well have said, "Free puppies and candy inside the my blacked-out van!" What fool would have believed him?
....Oh well!
So instead of line-outs and tackling, it was stretching with Coach Rookie McSharkFuck. Instead of power angles it was laps and drills with Coach KrustyFeet. And intead of hitting the pads we were run to death by Coach Kvetch Silverstein.

Man is it tough being a fat fucker at pre-season fitness training. I want this to be a big season for several reasons and as a result have been exercise more and more. However, last night I realized running in a straight line is great, but when you have to turn around or, god forbid, drop to the ground it gets really tough.

For me, this is going to be a big season -- I hope -- if only for the fact that I need to be in good enough shape so that the Division II side doesn't have to have Scott Hunter forced upon them.

Hunter-itis aside, I have had some conversations over the last week that have really made me see how important it is for this team to do more this year than in previous.

The USA Rugby Beagles

It's been two weeks since "Your USA Eagles" took on French championship bridesmaids ASM Clermont Auvergne, yet they still seems to be getting kicked around by everyone who talks about them.
There are so many ways in which this match should be praised and no argument that losing was anything but a huge step forward for these Baby-Eagles.
This was NOT the full Eagles.
These were the babies, a training side that Coach Scott Johnson hopes will be real ruggers by the time that the eyes of world turn on Kiwiland in 2011.
With four guys who are currently matriculating at Cal and two shipped in from "The Haggis" you cannot expect them to look good or fair well against a veteran, battle-tested ASM side.
Why is everyone underestimating these Auvergne Surrender Monkeys? Or are you all simply overestimating the kids they were playing?
A former Basketball and Rugby coach of mine named Tom Clark constantly said "You only learn by getting your arse kicked."
And while Tom Clark was wrong about many things (including telling Jason White that he would "never be a rugby player") he is right here. (He also owned a bar and allowed kids on his teams to get pissed there when they were underage!)

That is what Johno is doing with these Beagles, not the underage drinking, the other thing. He is letting them know that the only way to get better is to play against quality sides and that is what these college kids did.
You have to compare baby's arms holding apples, to baby's arms holding an apples.
In soccer, any top flight English, Italian or Spanish club side would demolish a US National team's training side. And remember Johno's was always a training side (it said so in your overpriced match programs.).
Johnson told me before the match "I am not thinking about the World Cup, I'm not thinking about anything except building this game up from the bottom. There have been too many quick-fixes and look where they have gotten us."
Sorry to name drop, but he is right. He is happy for many of the 1st XV to go abroad and play and knows how this is to excel as a player right now, but he wants top quality rugby in this country at every level.
"Cross-pollination is good for the game, but if we are ever going to improve we need the infrastructure in this country from the early years up."
Sorry this has been verbose, but Johno and Tom Clark are right -- and so am I -- this was a great match, a great ass-kicking and a great way for US Rugby to really look to the future.
... on a final note, look at this picture. Anyone who thinks the Beagles were badly coached look at this. If this is not Rucking and Presenting 101 i don't know what is!
Oh yeah, and possibly Fisting 427.

Welcome to the most offensive blog you've ever read on Southern rugby

Like all good cheerleaders on their knees, I have just given in to peer pressure. And while i do not expect to taste dick in the next few seconds I am not sure I can keep this up. But here we go.

Several of my friends, family, junior varsity hookups have told me i should write a blog; specifically they have said i should write a rugby/sports focussed web log. Well here it is. Over the next days/months/years I plan to give my account of what it is like to be part of my favorite bunch of squabbling 6-year-old girls that is my rugby club.

For the past nine-ish months I have been a member of the Columbia Olde Grey, a Division II men's rugby club in Columbia, South Carolina. This is a quality team, with some quality players, but they bitch, complain and shit on each other like conjoined twins wrestling over the last ex-lax brownie!

A few thing.

-- I do not intend to give spelling/grammar too much thought (see my i's that should be I's). i have to check grammar and spelling all day long at work, I'm not doing it here to.
--I apologies for the name of this blog, I know it is contrived and unoriginal but it is easy to remember.
--While i intend to talk about the life of Olde Grey, I will also delve into numerous other topics including my life, international rugby, football and why (no matter how hard you push the back of their heads) cheerleaders won't swallow!

Finally, this blog is for me, i do it for my own catharsis. However, if you want a thought on something, let me know.